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October 16, 2005
Likely Fathers of Katie Holmes Baby
Now that Katie Holmes appears to be about five months pregnant, the inevitable question "who's the daddy" arises. Many people are asking if she got pregnant before the whole TomKat relationship started. Could her former boyfriend be the father? Someone else entirely? Or is it her current beau, Tom Cruise. We did some statistical analysis to determine who the real father might be.*
* Disclaimer: I failed STAT311.
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Chris Klein: 36% Before Katie dumped him, disappeared, and became "Kate", he was her fiance and long-time love interest. Could the baby secretly be his? Only Maury knows. |
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Xenu: 24.2% Is it possible that Xenu has secretly impregnated Katie Holmes in an attempt to escape from his galactic jail cell and rule the galaxy once more? |
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A Dirty Toilet Seat: 18.5% Don't believe what your sex ed teacher tells you. A Dirty Toilet Seat is a dangerous thing. |
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L. Ron Hubbard: 13.1% Is it possible that the virgin Katie is with child, and the father is L. Ron himself? Could she be carrying the "Son of L. Ron"? Perhaps a golden age of Scientology is about to begin. |
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Rogue Sperm: 8% Rogue sperm, swimming around in the ether. |
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Tom Cruise: 0.02% Is Tom Cruise the father of Katie Holmes' baby? We predict a 0.02% chance that he is, so congratulations Tom, you might be the father! |
Posted by March at October 16, 2005 03:19 PM