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October 25, 2005
To the RAV4 Driver on 522
I first noticed you when you started tailgating me. I don't like tailgaters. I brake for them. But I also noticed you were really angry, and swearing at me. I can't read lips, but I know what THAT word looks like.
I enjoyed watching you shake your hands and face angrily. I was in the SLOW lane. And I was driving the speed limit, or as best as I could on a busy road. Did you decide to take your anger out on me because I was driving an old Grandma car? Well it IS my old Grandma's car, and it's nicer than yours.
Then when I switched to the right turn lane, you were going to pass me and cut me off. You didn't think I knew? By this time, I was watching you. You didn't have a chance. I'm a better driver than you'll ever dream of being.
It turns out you gave up before you began, and you merged right behind me, angry and screaming the whole way. Once upon a time you would have really upset me, but Zoloft makes you pretty carefree. You didn't bother me at all. You put a smile on my face.
Then when you gave me the finger, I'm not sure if you thought that was going to make me speed up. I'm really not sure what your thinking was, because how am I supposed to go any faster on a road that is stop and go. If you don't like the speed I'm going, just pass me. It's not HARD. I know you're scared of city driving, afraid to move inbetween lanes. But really, practice a little, and you'll get the trick of it. If I can drive an Oldsmobile around in it, surely your tiny gutless Toyota can do the trick.
Then the light turned yellow, and I made sure to slow down and stop like a good driver should. That's when you did something I've never seen before. Screaming and shouting words you can't say on television, you placed your hands on top of the steering wheel and you gave me the DOUBLE FINGER. That's right, both of your hands were engaged in flipping me off.
I'm not sure what that's supposed to do. I don't know if you were trying to scare me, so I'd pull off the road or something. I don't even know why you were in such a hurry... if there's a faster way, I'll be the one taking it. You should just follow me.
But I must say the DOUBLE finger is probably the most immature, uncivilized thing I have ever seen on the road. You looked like a 12-year old. Ranting in your car, speaking to no one in particular, you were turning red. Who were you talking to? Because I couldn't hear you. and I had to be watching you in my mirror to notice your actions. When you were side by side with me, you didn't say anything. Maybe you only talk bad behind people's backs.
The best part was when I turned the corner, and you followed. You were so angry, and then you got in the left lane so you could pass me. I think at one point you got three or four car lengths ahead of me. But there's a reason I drive in the right lane on 523.
1) There is generally no turn lane, so people turning left clog up the left lane. This is where I lost you the first time. But eventually you caught up.
2) The left lane is backed up full of people trying to get on I-5. It is really a crummy way to get on the freeway. Taking 522 all the way to the freeway is really much better. You, I assume, wanted to get on I-5. I don't really know, because by the time I reached the freeway you were a couple blocks behind me.
So, what lesson have we learned here. We've learned that swearing, the finger, and the DOUBLE finger aren't going to get you to your destination any faster. For one, they just make me more likely to slow down and impede your progress. Unless you decide to get into the other lane, and then I'll probably speed up much faster than you can.
Furthermore, it turns out that you didn't get very far once you managed to get around me. The only outcome of your verbal and visual rant is that you looked like an idiot. Ironically, if you'd just acted in a polite manner, you probably would have made it to your parole meeting a bit faster.
Posted by March at October 25, 2005 10:22 AM