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August 21, 2005
What Cats?
King County wants me to pay them $80 for the privilege of owning a cat. That's right, they expect me to spend $80 to license our fluffy feline, Fluffington. That's on top of the $199 the cat cost, and the $400 our apartment want us to pay them, not to mention the $120 vet bill Fluff recently got. Yes, King County wants us to give them $80 because we dare own a cat. Mind you, we don't have $80 to pay them. I mean, we don't have $8 to pay them, really.
They tell us that we should do it. Because "it's the law." And if we don't send them the money, they might send out an enforcement officer. But what right do they really have to tell me what I can or can not have in my own home?
The government makes plenty of money off of licensing. But a lot of licensing is really just a user fee. Every year, when I renew my license tabs, I'm paying for the roads I drive on, and sadly a mass transit system I will never use. But my license fees help offset the cost of the roads I freely drive on.
But what burden does our cat place on the county? He doesn't go outside without a leash, and even that is a rare event. He was fixed long ago, so he won't be producing any little Fluff's. All he does in life is lie around and try to nurse on my armpit. For this the government wants my money?
What else do I need to pay them to have the privilege of? How about a television license, like the one that supports the BBC. How about a radio license? A computer license? A license to use the telephone? Should I have to pay a yearly fee for my wife?
The county says that if I can provide proof that Fluff is fixed, they'll drop the fee considerably. Perhaps if I signed an agreement that said I won't have any sex, I could get a good discount on my wife license too.
How do you enforce any of these things, without violating someone's privacy? Isn't this law completely unenforceable? The only reason the county knows we have Fluff at all is because the pet shop sent them the information when we bought him. What happens when the enforcement officer comes to my door?
"Hello, I'm here because you haven't renewed your pet license for Fluff."
"Oh, yeah, sorry, we don't have Fluff anymore."
"Oh. Sorry. Well, who is that big orange cat there?"
"What orange cat? I don't see an orange cat."
"The one right there."
"We don't have any cats, silly. Are you feeling quite right?"
"You have a big, fluffy orange cat right there. And there's a Siamese kitten right next to him."
"Sorry, old chap, but we don't have any cats at all. I have no idea what you're talking about. Bye!" (Slams door on his face)
Seriously, there is no way they can enforce this law. It's stupid. I'm going to have to call them up so no one will come out. I'm going to tell them he ran away. I'll say we tried to file a missing cat report, but the cops wouldn't let us. So we just gave up, and we hope he comes back to us someday. Poor Fluff. Then maybe I'll cry.
Posted by March at August 21, 2005 10:23 PM